Matthew Baute ~ Inspirational Music ~ Songs for Prayer

+ 2009 JOURNALS

+ 2008 JOURNALS

Monday, December 22, 2008: Enduring Courage

Courage What a change of perspective the past week has brought. To go from being very healthy and able-bodied, to being dependent on others for daily life with an appendage immobilized, is quite a shift. Last week I had surgery performed on my right elbow to alleviate the symptoms of chronic tendonitis. I suppose it's a musician's job hazard — lots and lots of guitar strumming and schlepping around heavy sound equipment can wreak havoc on tiny tendons and bones.

Before the procedure, the nurse wrote in purple magic marker "YES" on my right elbow, a welcome gesture to ensure the doc didn't confuse my good elbow with the one needing repair. Coming out of the fog of anasthesia an hour later, my whole right arm was completely deadened, and would remain so until the next day – what a very strange and foreign feeling (or non-feeling). From the shoulder down my right arm was dead weight. Feeling my right hand with my left was like feeling someone else's hand, with absolutely no reciprocal touch. I could send the signal from my brain to move my hand, but absolutely no amount of willpower could make it budge. Suddenly I had an idea of what it must be like to be paralyzed, and it was humbling. Being one of the 93% of humanity that is right-handed, I had to learn to use my left for all sorts of things, from brushing my teeth to eating. Unable to prepare a meal or cut the meat on my plate, I relied on others to provide for my daily existence.

Like any illness we go through, we gain appreciation and insight that cannot be gained in any other way. Whether it's depression, anxiety, insomnia or the flu, we are suddenly able to empathize in a much deeper way with those who suffer chronically by going through a trial ourselves. I find that I no longer ask myself why someone who is depressed can't just 'snap out of it', or why someone who is unable to sleep can't do something that for most of humanity is so easy and natural.

I'm happy to report a week on that my arm is healing well – what a miracle the human body is in its ability to heal itself – and I was relieved to start regaining feeling in my right hand again the day after surgery. Many others are not so fortunate. Some will never be able to move an arm or a leg, or even all four appendages, ever again. May this past week keep me humble enough to appreciate the courage with which some souls bravely endure for a lifetime what I was given the privilege of experiencing for a few short days.

Sunday, November 30, 2008: Peace in the Holy Land

I returned from the Holy Land just last week -- so many amazing memories. One thing that sticks with me is the irony of having to drive through an armed security checkpoint with soldiers brandishing machine guns to get into the city of Bethlehem, the birthplace of the Prince of Peace. The Israelis have erected a 30 foot high ugly concrete wall around all the Palestinian areas -- think Berlin Wall. We had the privilege of meeting the Latin Patriarch (Archbishop) of Jerusalem, the man tasked by the Pope of shepherding the Christians of the Holy Land. His admonition to us -- pray, pray, pray!

Bethelhem Child Going off the beaten path just a little bit after lunch, we stumbled across a beautiful child at the top of an escalator, probably waiting for his mother to come out of a store. This little boy of Bethlehem allowed me to take his picture -- a picture of innocence in the midst of struggle. May his future be bright.

As we begin the season of Advent, of preparing, watching, and waiting, we pray once again: come, Lord, bring your peace to our hearts and to this world.

Thursday, October 30, 2008: From the Cradle to the Grave

I received a phone call this morning to sing at a funeral, which is not unusual. It's a privilege to play for someone's funeral, to try to offer consolation and hope through music – I love ministering in this way. I feel that my music is a good fit, helping to soothe those who have come to mourn a loved one. The unusual thing about the phone call was that I was told the deceased had been singing my song "Yes, We Believe" on her last day. That song, which touches on the Catholic belief that Jesus is truly present in the Eucharist, had apparently worked its way deep into her heart and had stuck with her. What a blessing it was for me to know that these words and melody had become a means to express her faith in her last moments!!!

This reminded me of another person who shared with me that she gave birth to her baby boy listening to my CD "Hold Me, Lord". Again, what a tremendous blessing to know that my music was present in a delivery room being utilized, at least in a small way, to usher a new life into the world.

It brings me deep joy and fulfillment to know that the songs God has given me are being sung in many different settings, in ways that I never could have envisioned. For me that's really the special thing about it – when we surrender and give our "Yes!" to God, when we make a commitment to develop and use our gifts and talents (whatever they may be) for God and place them at the service of his people, God always shows up big-time. He is absolutely faithful and will take our meager offering and do things more glorious than we could ever imagine. Thank you, Lord! All glory and honor to you!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008: Wyoming Cowboy

Gap Earlier this month I had the privilege of traveling to the Western United States. I sang with Annie Karto at a weekend conference in Park City, Utah, meeting many devout Catholics who are striving to live out their faith. We then journeyed northward to the beautiful state of Wyoming. Our final day there, our host took us to visit the ranch of a real-life Wyoming cowboy name "Gap". A gentler, more humble man I do not think you could hope to meet.

Over the past 40 years this hardy outdoorsman has led expeditions into the wilderness on horseback to hunt for moose and elk. He has several pictures of Fr. Corapi, who has come many times over the years to hunt and enjoy this magnificent part of the country. It was amazing to see Gap work with his black stallion, gently speaking to it and having it kneel completely down. His house is a treasure trove of artifacts and large game heads, with quite a few Native American arrowheads and carvings among many other interesting things. Stepping into Gap's house is like stepping back into the Old West 100 years ago.

Gap lives alone now, and it's clear that he didn't want us to leave. His wife passed away a few years back, and his children don't have much interest in carrying on the ranching business. But Gap is a man of deep faith. Several years ago he installed the Stations of the Cross on a hill on his property, culminating with a large cross at the top that he lights up during the Christmas season. He also has a strong devotion to the Blessed Mother, and his statue of Mary sits peacefully in a field of tiny blue wildflowers.

I wish I lived closer to Gap so I could visit, keeping him company and learning more about a life lived in harmony with and respecting of animals. May the Lord bless and keep close to his heart this humble soul.

Enjoy a few pictures I took while visiting Gap's Wyoming ranch.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008: California Dreaming

I just completed my third trip to California this summer, visiting the Banquet Studios to complete the recording of guitar and vocal tracks for my new CD "RIVER OF GRACE". I didn't have time the past two visits to make it to the coast, so I was determined to rent a car and see the Pacific Ocean this time.

Well, I saw what I could. Being Northern California, the morning fog covered just about everything in mist, so I couldn't see much past a few hundred yards. But that didn't do anything to the sound of the waves gently rolling in, and sometimes more violently crashing upon the rocks that seem to be everywhere along this coast. At one point I was able to park the car and take a short hike to where no other soul was around for what seemed like miles and miles... Thank you, Lord, for this magnificent creation!

Peanuts P.S. – I rented the car at the Santa Rosa Airport, a.k.a. "Charles M. Schulz" airport. Outside to welcome you are Charlie Brown and Linus in bronze, and Snoopy as the Red Baron. I want to get back there some day to visit the Peanuts museum...

Tuesday, June 25, 2008: Band of Brothers

Brothers A member of our church community has fallen on hard times recently. For the past several years he has lived courageously with multiple disabilities and chronic illnesses. His house has slowly fallen into disrepair, and the city inspectors have been riding him hard, citing him for code violations, threatening fines and even arrest. The judge in one instance was not at all interested in hearing about the medical conditions that have been the main reason for his inability to make the repairs. He was recently given an ultimatum of sorts, a hard deadline, to have repairs completed by the end of this month.

What I witnessed last night was truly inspiring – 15 men from our church descended on his house, eager to scrape, prime, paint, saw, glaze, frame, install, and do whatever else was needed. The camaraderie among the men was joyful and light-hearted, but at the same time they were completely dedicated to the task at hand. Most of these men went through our parish’s Christ Renews His Parish (CRHP) retreat together a few years ago, and they have continued meeting weekly for Bible study and fellowship. To see them mobilize into action using their carpentry and painting skills to help a brother in need was inspiring. Their actions were a much-needed witness to the essence of male spirituality: real men doing real work for the glory of God, protecting and providing for someone who had fallen on hard times. To see a newly-remodeled house come together over the course of a few hours is to witness what belonging to an active faith community nurtured by prayer can accomplish: the Gospel in action.

Do you want to experience deep, abiding joy? Find someone to serve, and find like-minded people to serve with. That's a sure recipe for fulfillment.

Monday, May 26, 2008: Guideposts

Guideposts Once in a while God sends us gentle whispers of encouragement that we’re on the right path, that we are pleasing in his sight. A few weeks ago I was tweaking a new song titled "I Will Continue." It was getting close, but it wasn’t quite at the finish line. The song speaks of the need to keep re-committing ourselves to God and to doing his will each and every day of our lives—it’s an ongoing choice. The kernel of the song came from a prayer that we recited at the beginning of each class period at St. Paul’s High School: "I will continue, O my God, to do all my actions for love of you."

I thought of the Scripture passage in the Gospel of John where Jesus first taught about the Eucharist, and how he would be truly present in this Sacrament: "Unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink his blood, you shall not have life within you." (John 6:53). This was certainly a difficult teaching, harsh on the ears, and a stumbling block for many—remaining so to this day—so much so that many followers left the Lord at this point, unable to accept this teaching. Jesus turned to his disciples and asked, "Will you leave me too?" Peter responded: "Lord, you have the words of eternal life. To whom else should we go?" (John 6:68)

What a faith-filled response on Peter’s part! Even though the disciples couldn't possibly comprehend the meaning of Jesus’ teaching, they chose to continue putting their faith in Christ, unlike those who walked away. They trusted that God would eventually clarify this teaching, which of course Jesus did through word and example at the Last Supper. He took simple bread and wine, and through a great miracle, transformed them into his own body and blood, in a non-gruesome way, remaining under the appearance of bread and wine. He commanded his disciples to take and eat, and to "do this in memory of me," which is precisely what Catholics do at each Mass, re-enacting the Lord’s Passover meal and Passion, re-presenting to the Father the only acceptable sacrifice by which mankind is redeemed. We take and eat the body of Christ so that his very flesh becomes part of our flesh, healing us, strengthening us spiritually, helping us to become more like him.

Peter’s response of faith really struck me, and I decided it would make a great bridge for my song. After all, we often find ourselves in the same position as the disciples, not understanding lots of what transpires in our lives—why someone must suffer greatly, why a tragedy occurs. Still we choose to continue putting our faith in God in the midst of these mysteries of life, because he is God, and therefore worthy of all our trust. We are his children, and he wants nothing more than to lead us to eternal life, even though his way is often different than the way that we might choose for ourselves.

And so I spent the better part of the day writing and tweaking, recording and listening, and tweaking some more. If you know me at all, you know that I am NOT a late night person, that I am typically in bed by 10pm. The only time when I can stay up late is when I’m in my basement studio, happily working away on my music. That night at 1am I finally finished the song "I Will Continue," satisfied that it had reached the finish line by incorporating John 6:68.

Crawling into bed I realized I hadn’t read my "Living Faith" devotional at all that day, as I had been so focused on crafting this song. This little booklet contains a Scripture quote from the daily Mass readings, along with a short reflection on the quote. So I picked it up and what was the chosen Scripture quote for the day? "Lord, you have the words of eternal life. To whom else should we go?" (John 6:68) Wow!!! Talk about a guidepost of affirmation and encouragement! To me this was God’s way of saying keep up the good work, keep on writing and singing for me. I had been letting those very words permeate my being all day long, and here they were staring back at me. I sat in bed and smiled for a long time before I closed my eyes, thanking the good Lord for this special gift.

I will continue following you Lord. Where else could I go?

Sunday, April 27, 2008: A Magnificent Vision

Papal Visit One week ago today I had the privilege of being in Yankee Stadium to attend Mass with Pope Benedict XVI, along with 60,000 other people. What an incredible gift to be with the successor of St. Peter, to hear his words, spoken to each one of us to ponder deeply. He spoke of a "magnificent vision of a world being transformed by the liberating truth of the Gospel". The joy I personally experienced and that I witnessed on the faces of thousands of others gave testimony to this truth, to the power of Christ alive in our hearts!

There was a tremendous diversity at Sunday's Mass—of cultures, languages, ages, and accents—yet here we were, united by an 81 year-old intellectual and former professor whom we cheered with abandon. During the homily, I closed my eyes to listen and focus as much as possible, letting his words soak deep into my soul. These lines stood out for me:

"Today's first reading, taken from the Acts of the Apostles, speaks of linguistic and cultural tensions already present within the earliest Church community. At the same time, it shows the power of the word of God, authoritatively proclaimed by the Apostles and received in faith, to create a unity which transcends the divisions arising from human limitations and weakness."

"True freedom blossoms when we turn away from the burden of sin, which clouds our perceptions and weakens our resolve, and find the source of our ultimate happiness in him who is infinite love, infinite freedom, infinite life... Freedom in truth brings in its wake a new and liberating way of seeing reality. When we put on 'the mind of Christ', new horizons open before us!"

"What is this offering which we are called to make, if not to direct our every thought, word and action to the truth of the Gospel and to harness all our energies in the service of God's Kingdom? Only in this way can we build with God, on the one foundation which is Christ. Only in this way can we build something that will truly endure. Only in this way can our lives find ultimate meaning and bear lasting fruit."

Papal Visit Sunday capped off a week during which the Holy Father: was welcomed at the airport and on the White House lawn by the President of the United States; addressed the U.S. bishops, Catholic educators, and the United Nations; held a solemn prayer service at Ground Zero; and engaged 25,000 young people, encouraging them to live their lives founded on Jesus Christ. He also spoke of the deep personal pain he felt from the abuse scandal, and surprised everyone by meeting with several victims, spending time with each one, allowing them to share their pain. Several of the 9/11 victims and family members he met with at Ground Zero said that for the first time since the tragedy, they felt a sense of peace and closure after speaking with him.

Quite simply, no one else on the planet can do what Pope Benedict XVI did, because, as we believe in faith, he is the Vicar of Christ: the universal shepherd of the flock. And shepherd, he did!

I hope you enjoy these pictures.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008: Teachers

Teachers I am in Louisiana this week for a visit with family and friends, a busy Holy Week and Easter weekend of liturgies completed. ALLELUIA...Christ is risen!

Today after morning Mass I happened to run into my 2nd grade teacher at church from way back when — what a special reunion that was. I asked Mrs. Weidemann if I could play her a song, so we went over to the piano and I sang "Hold Me, Lord". This was a small way for me to say thank you for all the love and tenderness that she showed to me and to hundreds, perhaps thousands of children.

I bet you won't have much trouble recalling a very special teacher who influenced you in a positive way or helped to shape you, someone who helped to open up new worlds of interests or who inspired you in some way. Say a prayer of thanksgiving for that person. Be grateful for the love you were given, and pass it on.

Thank you to all of you teachers, laboring in the trenches day in and day out, motivated not by money, but by kindness and caring. To further show what kind of love teachers have, Mrs. Weidemann, 85 years young herself, told me that each Wednesday she goes to visit the 'seniors' in the assisted living center to cheer them up. She was headed there right after we spoke. Wow.

Jesus called the children to himself and said, "Let the children come to me and do not prevent them; for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these." (Lk 18:16)

Wednesday, February 20, 2008: Dede

"Jesus summoned the crowd with his disciples and said to them, 'Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me.'" (Mk 8:34)

Tonight I saw a program on TLC (The Learning Channel) about a man in Indonesia who had a terrible skin disease. Large black warts covered his body, and his hands and feet are so deformed that they look like tree stumps. Dede, 35, has a rare genetic condition severely weakening his immune system. A virus he likely caught during his teenage years has wreaked havoc upon his body, spreading unchecked.

Dede's story made me reflect on the tremendous suffering that exists in our world: debilitating pain, burns, and diseases. Much suffering is internal, of the soul: losing a loved one, perhaps the agony of a child's death, imprisonment to an addiction, a neurosis, anxiety, and depression. Lord Jesus, in the midst of so much suffering, we cry out: "Have mercy!"

A chain email was forwarded to me this week which made me think more about Dede: "Everything that is going wrong in your life today shall be well with you. You have been destined to make it and you shall surely achieve all your goals this year. For the months of this year (2008), all your agonies will be diverted and victory and prosperity will be incoming in abundance."

This is not Christianity. This is not the Way of the Cross. God has not promised to remove all our suffering, to "divert all our agonies" or shower "prosperity in abundance." God HAS promised to be with us in the midst of our suffering. Christianity proclaims that if we are willing, suffering can transform us—it can have great value, even to the point of helping others on their journey to Heaven.

"Moved by so much suffering Christ not only allows himself to be touched by the sick, but he makes their miseries his own: 'He took our infirmities and bore our diseases." (Mt 8:17) On the cross Christ took upon himself the whole weight of evil and took away the 'sin of the world," (Jn 1:29) of which illness is only a consequence. By his passion and death on the cross Christ has given a new meaning to suffering: it can henceforth configure us to him and unite us with his redemptive Passion." (Catechism of the Catholic Church, #1505)

Lord, if it be your will, heal Dede. Give him, and all of us, the grace in the midst of our suffering, whatever form it takes, to unite ourselves with your sacrifice on the cross, and thus win souls for you. Let your will be done.

Friday, January 4, 2008: The Blue Stand

The Blue Stand
I arrive on a weekday evening not knowing what to expect, but with an open heart. This tiny shack of a place, painted bright blue as an invitation to the children of the neighborhood, stands out among the others. A few men congregate on the street despite the frigid air, unusual for south Louisiana even in January. For the past 10 years a humble woman has labored at the "Blue Stand" to teach, feed, and serve the neediest children of Covington, the town where I grew up, and which I'm visiting for Christmas.

I knock through the barred door and Sr. Theresa welcomes me in, the joy seeping out of her. It's the same joy I've seen overflowing from others who have given their lives so completely to serving and loving. She introduces me to about ten bright faces, all eager to open my guitar case. They are so taken with it that I wonder if most have ever seen or touched a guitar. So many questions... we count the strings, I explain the different parts, let them hold my pick...

After a song or two, I invite the kids to take a turn strumming the strings of my guitar. Suddenly a fight breaks out over who took whose place in line, and with full force a girl hurls one of my CDs right at the head of a boy who had provoked her in some way. I'm startled at the violence of the outburst, and I'm immediately aware that I am in the midst of someone's life experience that is very different from my own. Theresa sternly reprimands the two, sending one home. A tenuous order is restored.

After a few more songs I struggle for what to play -- how can I connect with these kids? Then I notice that one girl has a beautiful voice and is singing along to most of the songs. Perhaps they're letting some of the lyrics and melodies soak in after all. I ask for two volunteers to learn the hand motions to a fun song, and this gets most engaged. Another girl requests the "Our Father", which is written out and posted on the wall, and we sing this prayer together. They get a kick out of singing the two words "Pater Noster".

A young man comes in at one point and takes in the scene... I learn later that he has been coming for 10 years, since the Blue Stand was opened. He has no job, and not much hope -- his dream of playing football ended when pins were put in his knee. But at least he has this place. It comes out that his birthday is in a few weeks, and that no one has celebrated his special day for many years. Soon after Sr. Theresa is raising his spirits with ideas for an outing to celebrate his day as she serves a simple dinner, a hot meal which the little ones eagerly devour. I find myself grateful for the hot chocolate being passed around. In the midst of much brokenness, I witness community being built, modeled, fostered.

There are no easy answers to the questions in my heart. The children soon depart, Sister driving each one home in her minivan. We have some quiet time to reflect as we clean up. I'll soon be eating a delicious home-cooked meal, watching another bowl game in a warm house on a comfy couch with Mom and Dad, working crossword puzzles. Most of these children are returning to broken homes, to neighborhoods and streets where drugs are dealt, and violence is not uncommon. What does it all mean? How to cross this seemingly uncrossable divide, multiplied in a thousand cities across the country on this cold winter night?

There are no easy answers. But I know this: a dedicated nun makes a difference by offering with great love what little she has from this tiny blue house. Sr. Theresa's belief in Jesus, a child born into poverty 20 centuries ago, has filled her life with light and led her to look after the children of another poor neighborhood a world away. Her presence makes Christ present to a group of his beloved, chosen little ones that he called by name before the dawn of time.

+ 2007 JOURNALS

Monday, December 10, 2007: A Pilgrimage of Love

Praying at the Wailing Wall Watching the moon set over Bethlehem. Making the Way of the Cross along the Via Dolorosa in Old Jerusalem. Singing at Masses on the Mount of Beatitudes and the Mount of Transfiguration. Praying for your intentions at the Wailing Wall (pictured at left). Watching a shepherd lead his flock across the plains of Bethlehem, where the angels announced the birth of the Savior. Praying in the garden of Gethsemane, and at Calvary, in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher. Taking a boat ride on the Sea of Galilee. And finally, a 32 hour-long day returning home, from Tel Aviv, to Paris, to icy Chicago, to St Louis.

These are just some of the memories that I hold from my pilgrimage to the Holy Land two weeks ago, a truly amazing experience. It was a tremendous privilege to offer my gift by singing in many of these holy places. I didn't bring my guitar, so I was singing a cappella, doing my best to project and convey the feeling of the moment. After most songs my hands were shaking, I think mostly with the weight of the realization that I was actually standing in the shepherds" cave, in the Church of St. Ann, in the Church of the Annunciation in Nazareth... I'm quite sure that this experience will be conducive to inspiring some new songwriting!

Judean Hills The week we made our pilgrimage was the week of the peace conference in Annapolis. It was eye-opening to see the situation firsthand. At no time did I feel unsafe, but my heart was filled with sadness when we had to pass through a secure checkpoint in order to enter the city of Bethlehem. The birthplace of the Prince of Peace is basically a walled prison – very sad. The separation wall that blocks off the Palestinians from the Israelis in various parts of the country will stretch over 450 miles when it is completed, and is reminiscent of the Berlin Wall – very sad. How much do we still yearn for the peace of Christ to fill our world!

And yet this sadness was offset by the deep joy of being in the very places where the great events of salvation history took place, retracing Christ's steps. Psalm 122 now takes on a very literal meaning for me: "I rejoiced when they said to me, 'Let us go to the house of the LORD.' And now our feet are standing within your gates, Jerusalem."

Please come along with me by viewing my Holy Land pictures.

Thursday, November 22, 2007: Off to the HOLY LAND!

Today is THANKSGIVING DAY, and I board a plane for Chicago, then another for Paris, and then a final one to the Holy Land. I'm excited to make this journey, and I'm still having a hard time believing that I'm actually going! The only downside is that I won't be able to travel to Louisiana to visit family for Thanksgiving, but I'm planning to make up for that with a few weeks at Christmas. Please keep me and the rest of our group in your prayers!

Here are the main sites we'll be visiting: Jerusalem, Gethsemane, Bethlehem, Mount Zion, Jericho, Dead Sea, Nazareth, Tiberias, Capernaum, Mount of Beatitudes, Mount Tabor, Cana, Sea of Galilee.

I am VERY thankful for one year of full-time music ministry. Last November is when I took the leap of faith, and this past year has exceeded all my expectations. THANK YOU, GOD! Thank you for my family and for my friends and for my faith, and for the opportunity to sing for you, to share your message of mercy and love through song.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007: The World is BIG

Curacao I recently returned from the Caribbean island of Curacao, where I made some great new friends and saw some wonderful things, including sea turtles, a sea horse, and colorful schools of fish along a coral reef on my first SCUBA dive. I am always taken by any city that resides on the sea... there's something about watching a ship set sail, wondering about its destination, perhaps somewhere halfway around the world.

Traveling to this beautiful place not far from South America has me reflecting on just how big this world is, with its dizzying array of languages, cultures, customs, places, and wonders. Sometimes when I'm reading article after article on Wikipedia (one of my favorite web sites), I find myself feeling overwhelmed by the history of this world, by its many places, by the incredible variety of things 'seen and unseen'. And to think that this one planet of ours is circling around one star of millions in one galaxy of perhaps billions in this universe... then I glimpse something of the majesty of God... and I'm simply silent.

"Bless the LORD, my soul! LORD, my God, you are great indeed! You are clothed with majesty and glory, robed in light as with a cloak. How varied are your works, LORD! In wisdom you have wrought them all; the earth is full of your creatures. Look at the sea, great and wide! It teems with countless beings, living things both large and small. Here ships ply their course; here Leviathan, your creature, plays. I will sing to the LORD all my life; I will sing praise to my God while I live. May my theme be pleasing to God; I will rejoice in the LORD." (from Psalm 104, New American Bible)

Monday, September 24, 2007: Say that word, Jesus!

Salt Lake City 2002 A few weeks ago I traveled to the Salt Lake City area to sing at a Divine Mercy conference. The conference was held in Park City, one of the main venues for the 2002 Olympics. It was amazing to see the Olympic ski jumps on the side of the hill (really steep!) — something pretty foreign for this Louisiana-raised person. We even had time to ride the alpine slide — what a blast!

During the conference, something happened at each Mass that made me smile. Just before we receive Communion, we say from the heart: "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall be healed." This line is taken from the Gospel of Matthew, where the Roman Centurion told Jesus to simply speak the word, and his servant would be healed. The soldier felt unworthy to have the Lord come into his house, just as we recognize and admit that we are not worthy to consume the Body of Christ. But it's a gift freely given, and so we partake of the Eucharistic Feast at each Mass, despite our unworthiness.

What made me smile each time: after the congregation said these words, an older gentleman lifted his voice and gently spoke, "Say that word, Jesus!"

Amen! Say that word in my life, Lord, and I shall be healed.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007: Growth in Solitude

The weather these first few weeks of August has been brutal!! We've had record temperatures here in St. Louis and across the country, with the sweltering heat turning lawns brown. I've learned a few things recently: 1) I can drive my car with just the palms of my hands because the steering wheel is so hot; 2) I can get a sunburn through my car window; 3) the best parking spot is no longer the one closest to the door, but the shadiest. With 100+ degree highs, it certainly feels like we've been in the middle of the Sahara desert at times.

And that's where I've been spiritually, too—in the desert. Summertime is usually slower for ministry work with so many church leaders and venues taking much needed vacation time. I've had extra time to pray and to read... and to reflect. Certainly the summer heat is tough to endure, but being in the spiritual desert isn't the most fun place to be either. I want to turn around and run back to green pastures. And yet, that's not where God has called me to be at this time.

Desert times can be times of growth and insight. But you've got to be patient and stick them out. Our culture tells us to fill up any dryness or longing with pleasure of some sort. Pick your poison, just don't sit there and languish. And yet, a wise person once said, "Don't just do something, sit there!" It's in this emptiness... this stillness and quiet, that God can speak. In the solitude and silence, God can move and work.

I pray that God is moving and working inside me these past few months. I sense that he is stretching me and helping me grow. I continue to pray for purity of heart, and although I often get discouraged because I realize how far away that goal is, I take comfort knowing that "it is never the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost" (Matthew 18:14). And so I am assured that God is with me, that he is on my side.

I encourage you, if you're in the desert, don't run away. Try to give God the space he needs to help you grow. At the right time, he'll lead us back into fullness, back into our active ministries, and we'll be stronger and more prepared to do his work.

"May the Lord increase you and make you overflow with love for one another and for all,
even as our love does for you." (I Thessalonians 3:12)

Monday, July 23, 2007: Everybody Needs a Coach

I minister at an ongoing series of healing retreats held about an hour east of St. Louis, and on the ministry team is Theresa Grentz, one of the winningest collegiate women's basketball coaches in history (not to mention her Olympic coaching experience). Theresa has been affectionately dubbed "Mary's Coach" as she now recruits for God's team, seeking to lead her players to the ultimate championship—Heaven!

I was reflecting on how well the retreatants respond to Theresa, not only because she's funny and has many stories to share, but because coaching, in the truest sense, is a noble calling, and we're all in need of a good coach. At the heart of a coach's mission is to help his or her teammates to grow and to learn and to compete better than they could on their own. Even more importantly, a true coach seeks to help players become better people, to prepare them for life itself, well beyond the limits of any game or sport.

Don't we all long for someone like that to guide us, to help us grow, to challenge us, to keep us on the path? Someone who has our best interests always in mind? We're all on a mission to get to Heaven, and to help bring as many others there with us, so it's pretty important stuff. When I'm all on my own I tend to flounder, to jump from one book to the next, from one focus to another. And that's why I need a coach, someone who knows more than I do, someone who can see more objectively than I can, someone who has better perspective and a wiser outlook than I do, someone to whom I'm accountable. And that's why I'm searching and praying for a spiritual director... my own spiritual coach.

Saturday, June 30, 2007: God Moments

One of the questions I ask when someone signs my guestbook is to share a 'God moment' from their lives. These are those times when we seem to get a glimpse 'behind the curtains' of something deeper at work in lives, some happy coincidence (that really isn't a coincidence), some extra-ordinary experience or event that helps us know that God is present and working in our lives.

I had just such an experience this evening. I am ministering at a healing retreat in Vandalia, Illinois. The day had been going well with many blessings being poured out, great speakers, a joyful Mass. And yet my spirit was in a funk. I'm not sure why, but I didn't seem to be in a good place despite the good things happening around me. Then something unplanned, extra-ordinary happened in the early evening.

The final activity for the day was to be a healing service with Eucharistic adoration in the church, and so a few of us had walked over from the parish hall to prepare. But the church doors were locked, and so we stood on the steps awaiting the keys. I had my guitar in hand so I started playing a praise and worship song, and everyone joined in. Soon more people came over from the parish hall, started joining in the songs, and suddenly there we all were, entering into a spontaneous moment of praise and joy, raising our voices and our hearts. At that point we weren't even concerned about unlocking the church doors and going inside. To top it all off, a beautiful sunset was taking place. Unplanned, yet perfect—just what we all needed to lift our spirits and to prepare us for meeting Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament.

I hope you take some time to read all the 'God moments' that people have shared on the guestbook page. I'm convinced that we're all gifted with these moments in our lives from time to time, but we need to be attuned to watching for them, to savor them when they come, and to be grateful for them, perhaps even writing them down to remember them when life seems ordinary, or our spirits may be sagging.

Monday, May 28, 2007: Remembering

LCpl Justin McLeese Today is Memorial Day, a chance to reflect on the freedoms that we all enjoy, and that I take for granted every day. And it's yet another chance to remember those who have won those freedoms for us.

I have a picture on my fridge of a young soldier who I've never met, the son of a friend of my Mom's. She sent me his picture last year. As you can see from his photo, he has a great big smile, bright eyes, and a silver cross dangling around his neck in front of his desert-colored military fatigues that expresses his faith. He looks like the kind of guy I wanted to be in high school—a football and baseball standout, popular with the girls, a big hearty laugh, and friends with everybody.

On Memorial Day, rather than write about the futility of war or lament the current state of world affairs, I just want to say thank you to the men and women like Justin, who give all they have for us, so that we can go on pursuing our dreams and raising our kids and attending our churches and enjoying our baseball and crossword puzzles and music and all the other things that you and I do each day, things that fill our lives with both deep meaning and simple distraction.

The back of the photo reads:
  "LCpl Justin McLeese
  KIA 11-13-2004 Fallujah, Iraq
  Bronze Star V-Valor Purple Heart"

Tuesday, May 15, 2007: Checkmarks

More than a few moons ago, I received a beautiful high school graduation gift from my principal and mentor, Br. Jeffrey. Little did I know that he had done something so subtle that it would take me years to realize. His gift was a New Jerusalem Bible, and I was thankful for it at the time, even though I didn't read it much until the end of my college days.

I recall sometime after college noticing a faint pencil checkmark next to a specific passage, and thinking to myself how strange that was. Not long afterwards I noticed another, and then another, and I realized that Br. Jeff had taken the time to share with me his favorite Scripture passages in this quiet and gentle way.

Every time I come across one of these faint pencil checkmarks, I think of Br. Jeff, and I am thankful for his friendship, for his gift. In what ways am I sharing Christ with others in such a quiet, gentle way that will keep speaking for years?

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